he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
