Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
