he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
