I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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