Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
