so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
