somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
