You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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