I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
