Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
