I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just gargled with NyQuil
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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