i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
