He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
