Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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