Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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