If i could tip my vagina, i would.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
