not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
