so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize