I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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