dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
