you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
