someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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