Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
