One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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