he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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