My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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