this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
