Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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