3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
