I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
