you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
