so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
