Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Let's get the cat blown out
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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