Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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