She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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