"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
