I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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