I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
