Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Please don't give away my fajitas
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