I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You took a bar mat shot.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
