My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
