omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
