So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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