you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize