Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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