She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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