She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just found puke in my bra..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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