you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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