eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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