last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
