I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Barsexuality is the new black.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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