Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
