I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
