i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
