i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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