You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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