There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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