She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
