whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
