yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
