Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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