fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
