Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
