Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
