just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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