Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
