never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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