so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
