a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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