Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
