Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
