So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
